Marine jokes

[evo-lution ßÄЯ]

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event

hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of

extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom

approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious

man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,

"It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,

"You know, you should lighten up a little.

Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take

this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking

everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955!

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she

proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest

and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his

matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

[Cantin 1st MRB]

hahah

[Holland 1st MRB]

Hehe, that wasn't bad.

[Bryant 1st MRB]

bahhahhaahahahj nice twist at the end i laughed out loud in class and everyone just looked at me funny

[Griswold]

omg i want to laff so hard right now, but i started coughing really loudly in the middle of class. No one noticed XD.

[Marsden 1st MRB]

Wow that was great. I read that while I was on the phone with a customer, had to mute them and got a lot of dirty looks from other ppls on the phones cuz I was bustin up.

[McKenzie 1st MRB]

President Obama was returning from a trip for his election year to the state of Arkansas. He was stepping off Air Force One, and carrying 2 large pigs underneath his arms.

The Marine at the bottom of the stairway to the plane, saluted and shouted "NICE PIGS SIR"

President Obama stopped and looked at him for a second, and smiled "Son, these aren't just any old pigs, these are genuine Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Michelle, and I got one for my two daughters.."

The Marine froze for a second, then snapped another salute and said "NICE TRADE SIR!"

Lulz.

Also,

A little boy was in an airport with his mom one day, when he needed to use the bathroom. He wandered off to find it and when he wwalked inside, there stood a Green Beret all decked out in his dress uniform. He was looking spiffy his shoes were shined, his cover was on correctly. The little boy marveled at the Green Beret and said ""Scuse me mister, but are you a green beret?" The soldier smiled and said "Yes son, I am, how would you like to wear my cover?" The little boy beamed with pride, and the man set it on his head and went to use the stall.

Seconds later, a Marine Gunnery Sergeant walked in, decked in his dress blues. His shoes were shinng bright, his medals were as bright as the sun, he was on point. The little boy marveled again, his eyes wide and said "Scuse me mister, are you a real Marine?" The Gunny smiled and nodded and said "Yes son I am, how would you like to shine my shoes?" The little boy shook his head and said "oh no sir, I am not a real Green Beret..."

Ba Dum Tish.

[Bryant 1st MRB]

i fell like this is goonaaa turn into a real great thread real quick

[Englebretson 1st MRB]

[Marsden 1st MRB]

rofl rofl rofl rofl. ya this is gonna become pretty epic of a thread.

[Holland 1st MRB]

President Obama was returning from a trip for his election year to the state of Arkansas. He was stepping off Air Force One, and carrying 2 large pigs underneath his arms.

The Marine at the bottom of the stairway to the plane, saluted and shouted "NICE PIGS SIR"

President Obama stopped and looked at him for a second, and smiled "Son, these aren't just any old pigs, these are genuine Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Michelle, and I got one for my two daughters.."

The Marine froze for a second, then snapped another salute and said "NICE TRADE SIR!"

Lulz.

Also,

A little boy was in an airport with his mom one day, when he needed to use the bathroom. He wandered off to find it and when he wwalked inside, there stood a Green Beret all decked out in his dress uniform. He was looking spiffy his shoes were shined, his cover was on correctly. The little boy marveled at the Green Beret and said ""Scuse me mister, but are you a green beret?" The soldier smiled and said "Yes son, I am, how would you like to wear my cover?" The little boy beamed with pride, and the man set it on his head and went to use the stall.

Seconds later, a Marine Gunnery Sergeant walked in, decked in his dress blues. His shoes were shinng bright, his medals were as bright as the sun, he was on point. The little boy marveled again, his eyes wide and said "Scuse me mister, are you a real Marine?" The Gunny smiled and nodded and said "Yes son I am, how would you like to shine my shoes?" The little boy shook his head and said "oh no sir, I am not a real Green Beret..."

Ba Dum Tish.

LMFAO Damn, those were good.

[Cantin 1st MRB]

hahaah mckenzie

[Tune]

[Cast 1st MRB]

Lol tune that wasn't so bad, only one that made me smile

[Maines]

Topic - Epic Win

Tune's post - More Epic Win than the Epicest Win ever.

[Cantin 1st MRB]

Topic - Epic Win

Tune's post - More Epic Win than the Epicest Win ever.

im confuse

[Visca 1st MRB]

A squad of Marines were driving up the highway between Basra and Baghdad. They came upon an Iraqi soldier badly injured and unconscious.

Nearby, on the opposite side of the road, was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert. As first aid was given to both men, the marine was asked what had happened.

The Marine reported; "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway. Coming south was a heavily armed Iraqi soldier."

"What happened then?" the corpsman asked.

"I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable piece of crap, and he yelled back: 'George Bush is a miserable piece of crap."

"We were standing there shaking hands when a truck hit us."

As a democratically leaning citizen I found this outright hilarious. Hope you do too with whatever side your from!

[Bryant 1st MRB]

bahahahah too bad im still a commie

[Visca 1st MRB]

bahahahah too bad im still a commie

Salud Komrade, as am I. *swig of Vodka* *poster of Marx and Lenin* *Hammer and Sickle Tattoo*

[McKenzie 1st MRB]

Osama bin Laden was moving through the desert with his group of terrorists, in a massive convoy one day, when they stopped to take a piss and eat food and such.

From behind a near by sand dune, he heard a voice call out "A Marine is better then a Terrorist any day!"

Osama, being offended, told one of his men to go take care of the infidel who would dare speak such a lie. The JiHadist went behind the dune, a brief gun battle erupted, and then silence..

Then the voice called out again "One Marine is better then 10 Terrorists any day!"

Osama, now angrier then before, sent 10 men to go kill the vile infidel. They went behind the hill, and suddenly a gun battle erupts, grenades go off, and then silence...

The voice called out a third time "One Marine is better then a Hundred Terrorists any day!"

Osama grew out right furious, and sent his hundred best men to take care of this foul dog. The men charged behind the sand dune, and a huge gun battle erupted, explosions happened, screams were heard and after a good half hour, there was silence..

Finally a wounded terrorist dragged himself out from behind the dune, and with his dying breaths said "Don't send any more...it's a trap....there are two of them!"

[McKenzie 1st MRB]

A Navy Admiral, a Marine General, an Air Force General and an Army General were all standing around on an aircraft carrier one day, talking about who's branch had the bravest in it.

The Air Force general spoke up first, piping up with confidence.

"Well the Air Force has the bravest and most loyal, and I'll prove it!"

He pointed to a near by Airman and said "You there, Airman, I want you to jump into that spinning turbine engine!"

The Airman snapped a salute, turned and jumped head first into a running jet engine.

The other Generals Nodded, but the Army General spoke up next...

"We have the bravest and the most obedient, I can prove it as well!"

He pointed to a nearby private and said "You there private, unholster your sidearm and shoot yourself in the head!"

The private snapped a salute, drew his pistol and shot and killed himself.

The others nodded, but the Admiral smirked..

"No no, the Navy has the bravest and most loyal, check it out.."

He pointed to a nearby sailor and said "You there, Seaman! Jump off the stern of the boat, and into the propellers!"

The sailor snapped a salute turned and ran off the end of the ship, and was chopped to pieces.

The others nodded but the Marine General spoke up next.

"No, I know for a fact that the Marines are the bravest...watch..."

He pointed up to a private in the crows nest of the ship, way up in the tower. He spoke out loud.

"You there, Private! I want you to jump from that tower, down to me right here right now!"

The private looked at the G eneral for a second, and at the ground and then shot to attention and saluted and shouted

"With all due respect sir, but FUCK YOU!"

The Marine General smiled and said "I told you we have the bravest..."

[McKenzie 1st MRB]

A senior drill instructor was informed one day, that one of the recruits in his platoon had gone missing.

They spent the day, sweeping the base for him, when he finally spotted him hiding in a bush, near the gate.

He brought the kid into his office and spoke to him, one on one.

He asked "Why in the hell did you try to run away?"

The boy looked at him and said "Well sir, the first day I got here, you gave me a comb...and cut off all my hair..."

"The next day you gave me a tooth brush and pulled 5 of my teeth..."

"Yesterday you gave me a jockstrap, and frankly sir, I wasn't sticking around to find out what happens next..."

[Maines]

The last 3 posts has now exceeded the amounts of win for the human mind to handle. Maines' Robot has posted this on his behalf.

[Griswold]

post more! NOW! these are so funny

[Bryant 1st MRB]

this should be pinned ;D