I've got to tell SOMEONE this story...

[T. Brown 1st MRB]

Unfortunately, there was only one picture taken from someone's cell phone that could prove what I'm about to tell you, and I am patiently waiting for them to wake the fuck up so I can get a copy, but listen to this fucking shit. Believe it or not, that's up to you, but I know this happened (I wasn't TOO fucked up), and once this picture shows up, I'll post as proof.

So I've been trying to get pictures of a pair of Savannah monitor lizards mating for the past few weeks. Some of you may recall the picture I posted in the Pet thread (or in the Personal Picture thread) of my gorgeous 3' long female monitor.

She's about 3.5' long in this picture.

And see, this critters can be super adorable!

I had taken her in after someone left her in a box at Petco, and since I do volunteer work with the local Serpatarium (think reptile zoo), they asked if I could watch over her while they made room / extra enclosure. That ended up taking a year or so, but I freakin' LOVED this lizard. It was HUGE, ate rats whole, was a hit with ladies, would just hang out in the house without being in a cage (and would return to its 100-gallon aquarium to crap so easy clean up)...basically the perfect pet.

Well, about 2 weeks ago, a male savanah monitor of roughly the same/age size made its way into our town, and the opportunity to mate my girl Sasha and the new male was too perfect. We acclimated them and waiting for the magic moment, with me popping over with my camera's to try to document it (it is a relatively rare occurrence to catch on film, so not only would it be exciting to be able to do so, but I could also then sell the images/footage all over the world).

FINALLY, after 2 weeks of waiting, they decided to mate and I happened to be there to film it. The excitement, however, was quickly overwhelmed when none-fucking-other than STEPHEN FUCKING "LANGOLIERS" KING WALKED INTO THE GODDAMN SHOP. We had it closed to the public, but I guess since it is STEPHEN FUCKING KING, he can do what he want. He had heard about the mating and said that he is working on a story about reptiles so figured he'd pop in while promoting "Under the Dome", a movie based off his last-last book that was filmed mostly in my city, Wilmington, NC. Local News Story so there's some proof he was in my town to tide you over until I get this picture of us together.

So, for the next 30 minutes to an hour, I got to shoot the shit with one of my idols, the man who made me want to write. We bonded right off when I told him about my whole publishing ordeal with Blue Ridge, which is apparently a company he absolutely hates and who has fucked over plenty of his other literary friends, and even though he couldn't accept my unsolicited manuscript or pass it to his agent, he was happy to give me the names and cards of some other people who would take a look at it if I mentioned STEPHEN FREAKIN FUCKIN THE STAND KING recommended it.

We talked about reptiles, I taught him all about the mating habits of the monitors and the differences between a boa's teeth and the fangs in others, about how if a boa ends up biting you, to NEVER pull away as the hundreds of tiny teeth are curved in and by jerking back, you could rip the snake's jaw out. So instead, you have to just let the snake work its teeth and jaw out of your skin. He loved that, and said if it ended up being in a later book, he'd thank me in the credits (EEEEEK CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE HOW EXCITED I WAS AT THIS POINT?). He cracked jokes about wondering if he made a mistake writing Cujo as a dog instead of a pet monitor, and in the end, he invited me to join him down at this restaurant in Carolina Beach to have dinner with him and a few other literary people (and their agents/assistants) later that night.

I got down there super early and waited around, but unfortunately, he was not able to make it due to the weather. However, I ended up running into one of his assistants who recognized me from the Serpatarium ( and who is bloody gorgeous, rawr ) and so I took her out to dinner and stayed with her for the night (in part due to torrential downpour, and in part cause....well, figure it out).

Guess who fucking called in the morning to get in touch with her, and since she was half asleep, had me answer?? STEPHEN. FREAKIN. KING. AGAIN. He didn't recognize my name, but when I mentioned the Blue Ridge debacle, he instantly perked up and started laughing, asking why I was at her hotel (names redacted in case she doesn't want everyone to know about this. Even though he has multiple assistants, I do not want to use names) and if I took care of her last night. He apologized profusely for not being able to come, but said that if I wanted to send a book or photo back with *redacted*, he would make sure to sign it and send it to me. Naturally, I did just this with one of his Richard Bachman books from the '80s, the pseudonym he used to see if he could sell books under a different name or was just lucky with Carrie and Firestarter, asking him to sign it as such (instead of Stephen King). I also sent a paperback copy of one of my favorites, Nightmares and Dreamscapes, so we'll see which I get back!

I got the contact info from her since she had to leave and then started the 45-minute scooter ride back home, still in torrential rain but not giving a fuck since STEPHEN. KING. NEEDFUL THINGS. CUJO. CARRIE. THE GODDAMN SHINING.

I slept maybe 2 hours last night (in part due to..ya know, but also just too damn giddy), and am STILL hopped up on adrenaline and excitement from all of that, and since I cannot share it on FB until I get that proof, I just HAD to tell someone somewhere. SO, posting here : )

I need to go get high now and try to relax. Thanks for reading! And hey, if you anyone has any similar stories of meeting their idols, post!

ps: did I mention it was STEPHEN FREAKIN' SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION GREEN MILE ROLAND THE GUNSLINGER KING? Ok, just making sure.

[Guest]

You got laid and met your hero. If I was with you we'd do a high five and then crack out the cigars. Congratulations, but get that fucking picture up.

[Takel 1st MRB]

Wow, living the life you badass. that's one hell of a day

[T. Brown 1st MRB]

She sent the picture to my phone, but it came up as gobbly goop symbols. I'm assuming it is because she has smart Iphone thing and I have 8 year old flipphone brick, so I told her to email it to me and let's freakin' hope that works!

[G. Visca 1st MRB]

Screw the pictures of lizards mating lets see pica of brown mating eh eh

[Quarterman 1st MRB]

That's pretty sick though!

[Lafy BAR]

If you don't have time to read all of that, i skimmed it for you. Basically, Brown had sex with Richard Bachman... I think that's the congresswoman's husband....

[Xiong]

Screw the pictures of lizards mating lets see pica of brown mating eh eh

:lol: