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Posted

Granted, people are now openly assholes and dicks all the time, everywhere. This causes a collapse of society and devolution into an endless age of warfare as "Diplomacy" ceases to exist.

I wish I could be always awake forever without being fatigued.

Posted

Granted, you recieve electric shocks at random intervals in order to keep you awake, after a month of this you develop a brain defect which puts you into a state of complete and total paralysis. In this state, you are unable to sleep and unable to communicate in any way. You can only lie there staring at the ceiling while musing about what a stupid idea it was to constantly stay awake.

I wish i had something funny/interesting to put as a wish.

  • 1 year later...
Posted
Granted peaker beats you in a leadership arguement and takes over as LT COL.

I wish i had the body of a Adonis.

granted, but you are locked in a state of paralysis due to the confusion in your brain of having these new muscles

I wish i had a girlfriend...... *SOB* *Hangs self*

Posted (edited)
I wish I could travel to anywhere I wanted in a matter of seconds.

Granted, but everytime you travel a huge ass pile of steamy cow shit gets sucked along with you and lands on your head covering you in around 200lbs of wet slimey fresh cow shit.

I wish that I could vaporize anyone I wanted to just by thinking about it with no repercusions.

Edited by Gardner 1st MRB
Posted (edited)

EDIT: Granted, except eventually you think about what would happen if you vaporized everyone on the planet. Enjoy your lonely lonely life as the last human on earth until you finally die miserable in a pile of your own feces.

I wish I could learn all the secrets of the universe.

Edited by Peaker 1st MRB
Posted
I wish I wasn't covered in cow shit every time I traveled anywhere in seconds.

Granted, the cow shit has been replaced by horse manure

I wish that since I vaporized everyone on the planet but myself earlier that Jessica Alba reappears and we repopulate the planet together

Posted

Granted, except it's now Zombie Jessica Alba. She's missing an arm and smells suspiciously like yogurt left outside on a sunny day.

I wish that I could prove God doesn't exist.

Posted

(That was pretty good)

Granted, except that you fail to take into account quantum physics, your meddling therefore reshapes the entire evolution path of humanity according to the new laws. Enjoy your new life as an Amoeba.

I wish that the royal baby would crawl back into it's mother's womb.

Posted
(That was pretty good)

Granted, except that you fail to take into account quantum physics, your meddling therefore reshapes the entire evolution path of humanity according to the new laws. Enjoy your new life as an Amoeba.

I wish that the royal baby would crawl back into it's mother's womb.

Granted, but he gets reincarnated by some freak genes into its system and takes over all of Europe and plans to go after the World.

I wish I could have a gourmet 5-star buffet for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

Posted
(That was pretty good)

Granted, except that you fail to take into account quantum physics, your meddling therefore reshapes the entire evolution path of humanity according to the new laws. Enjoy your new life as an Amoeba.

I wish that the royal baby would crawl back into it's mother's womb.

Granted, but he gets reincarnated by some freak genes into its system and takes over all of Europe and plans to go after the World.

I wish I could have a gourmet 5-star buffet for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

5 stars refer to 5 ninja surikens in the food, your eat them all day and die of internal bleeding.

I want to work in the nfl

Posted

Granted, but the ability takes most of your mind power causing you to become slightly retarded and the only way you can communicate with people is by flashing your penis at them and mumbling while drooling.

I wish to live forever and see the future of the human race.

Posted
Granted, but the ability takes most of your mind power causing you to become slightly retarded and the only way you can communicate with people is by flashing your penis at them and mumbling while drooling.

I wish to live forever and see the future of the human race.

Granted, your spirit is digitalized as an AI which is responsible for running a military complex. You silently observe as mankind destroys itself in a nuclear war and you end up completely alone, unable to feel anything or to talk to anyone. You slowly become mad, but you cannot even self destruct as that would require a human to activate the sequence.

I wish I could survive the upcoming zombie apocalypse.

Posted

Granted, but the zombies eventually evolve into super intelligent beings and turn you into a breeding stud... of extremely obese women, and you're on the bottom.

I wish I had a cookie.

Posted (edited)
Granted, but the zombies eventually evolve into super intelligent beings and turn you into a breeding stud... of extremely obese women, and you're on the bottom.

I wish I had a cookie.

Granted, you are transformed into a cookie tin.

I wish I was omnipotent.

Edited by Lafy BAR
Posted
Granted, but then you're isolated in a small space, never to be able to roam the world again.

I wish I had a never ending supply of money that spawned from inside my wallet whenever it ran out

Granted, you have a never ending supply of the devalued Zimbabwean dollar.

I wish I had a never ending supply of Canadian $50 bills, the new plastic ones.

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